Review of Mistakes Were Made
The authors want the readers to understand the effects of self-justification and find solutions that will lead to change and redemption. I am interested to know why we tend not to admit our mistakes and the ways to counter this tendency.
Human nature
All humans share the impulse to justify ourselves and avoid taking responsibility for actions that turn out to be harmful, immoral, or stupid. Human thinks, thus our behaviour transcends the effects of rewards and punishments and often contradict them.
Self-justification
Self-justification is different from lying – lying means the person knows he is in the wrong but self-justification allows people to convince themselves that what they did was the best thing they could have done. Self-justification serves our need to feel good about what we have done, what we believe, and who we are.
Self-justification is powered by cognitive dissonance which is a state of tension that occurs when a person holds 2 cognitions (ideas, attitudes, beliefs, opinions) that are psychologically inconsistent with each other; people don’t rest until they find a way to reduce mental discomfort from cognitive dissonance.
Dissonance theory is a theory of blind spots – how and why people unintentionally blind themselves so that they fail to notice vital events and information that might make them question their behaviour or conviction.
History is written by the victors, but it is the victims who write the memoirs
We have all done something that made others angry at us and we have all been spurred to anger by what others have done to us. We all have, intentionally or unintentionally, hurt another person who will forever regard us as the villain, the betrayer, the scoundrel and vice versa. But self-justification has allowed us to shift from one role to the other and back again in the blink of an eye without applying what we have learned from one role to the other.
Memory may be distorted as we want to protect ourselves from the pain and embarrassment of actions we took that are dissonant with our core self-image. We do not remember everything that happens to us, but only highlights. Otherwise, our minds could not work efficiently as they would be cluttered with mental junk.
Pyramid of choice
Imagine self-justification is a pyramid of choice – once people make a decision, whether reasoned or impulsive, they will change their attitudes to conform to that choice and start minimising or dismissing any information suggesting they chose the wrong option. People become more certain they are right about something they just did if they can’t undo it.
To get people to do something, just induce him to take one step at a time, and self-justification will do the rest, especially for unethical job. To preserve our belief that we are smart, all of us will occasionally do dumb things.
Mistakes are not personal failings
How do we reduce dissonance and amend the mistakes? By identifying the 2 dissonant cognitions that are causing distress, we can often find a way to resolve them constructively or, when we can’t, learn to live with them until we have more information.
To be able to learn from mistakes, we need to dispose of 2 beliefs: first, mistakes are evidence of incompetence and stupidity, and second, our personality traits, including self-esteem, are embedded and unchangeable. Otherwise, we will be afraid to admit error because we take it as evidence that we are idiots. Mistakes are not personal failings to be denied or justified but as inevitable aspects of life that help us improve our work, make better decisions, grow, and grow up.
Conclusion
In this book, there are a lot of examples how self-justification leads to mistakes, some that wrecked people’s lives. Self-justification does not care whether it reaps benefits or wreaks havoc. To err is human, but humans then have a choice between covering up and fessing up. However, self-justification leads most people to justify their mistakes, instead of owning up.
The authors provide some ways to counter the effects of self-justification. By noticing self-justification in action, we would be able to stop the slide and learn from mistakes. Understanding without vengeance, reparation without retaliation, are possible only if we are willing to stop justifying our own position.
One-sentence summary for Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me)
Self-justification prevents humans from owning our mistakes.
Quotes
- None of us can avoid making blunders.
- An acquired prejudice is hard to dislodge.
- Memories create our stories, but our stories also create our memories.
- Doubt is not the enemy of justice; overconfidence is.
- All of us will have hard decisions to make at times in our lives; not all of them will be right, and not all of them will be wise.
Rating
Interested in Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me)?
You may get the book from through the link below*.
Get the print book from Kinokuniya Malaysia here
*This is an affiliate link and I might earn a small amount if you purchase the book through this link.
No Comments